Getting my Life Back
by 4rose
Summary: Harry can't deal with the pain of having lost Sirius. He finds new friends and ways to deal with the pain. When he returns to school again, he finds help to cope with his problems, but after a tragic event, can he get back up? Can he get his life back?
1. New Found Friends

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J K Rowling.

CHAPTER 1 – New Found Friends

"Boy! Get your filthy ass up to your room and stay there. No supper for you tonight. Now get!" Uncle Vernon yelled once we arrived.  
_Nothings changed_ Harry thought bitterly.  
When he finally got into his room he laid down on his bed.

Sirius…gone…all my fault. If I wasn't so stupid! If I had just learned Occlumency just like I was supposed to…none of this would have happened…

Harry kept going over the night in the Department of Mysteries…over and over again; watching Sirius fall through the veil. He finally fell asleep. But not before long, he woke up from the same nightmare that he had been getting after that fateful night.

He couldn't handle it. He felt like he was being enclosed. He was being suffocated. He needed a way out. A way to escape. He went over to his trunk. That was when he saw the broken pieces of the mirror that Sirius had given to him. He took a piece and starred at it. After a while, he took the piece and started to cut a wound in his wrist.

Ahh…the blood…the pain…

Feeling the pain from the wound let him forget all about Sirius. He made another cut, under the last one. More pain, and more relief. He felt all his worries and emotions leave him, just like the blood was leaving him.  
When he was feeling satisfied, he bandaged his wrist using a ripped cloth from his bed sheet and fell asleep again.

* * *

The next day, Harry awoke to a pounding against his door.  
"BOY! Get up this instant! You freak better get your ass down fast and start on your chores or else no food for today!" and with that his aunt left to go down to the kitchen.  
Harry got up; reluctant to leave his dark sanctuary he called his 'room'.

The day went by excruciatingly slow. But when he was finally done, he got his one piece of dry toast and went to his room. He was so tired, that he instantly fell asleep once his head hit his pillow.  
During the night, Harry awoke. Another nightmare. When he looked around his room, he spotted the piece of glass from his mirror. Taking the piece, he made cuts over top of the old ones from yesterday, and he made two more new ones. He felt the pain leave him again, and he could breath freely.

Once again he bandaged his wrists and went back to sleep, dreading tomorrows chores.

For the next week, he followed the same pattern. Get up; do chores; eat dry piece of toast; go to sleep; wake up from nightmare; cut; release pain; go back to bed; get up; and continue the same cycle again.

But on Monday night, even after he cut, he couldn't fall asleep. The same nightmare playing over and over again. He could still hear Bellatrix's cold high-pitched laughter in his ear. He couldn't breathe; he needed to get out.

He got out of bed, put on some clothes and left the house. He was walking down the street to a park were he used to go and play, and also were he used to hide from Dudley and his gang. As he drew closer he could hear faint laughter coming from the park. He walked closer to see what it was. He saw a group of five teenagers sitting around in a circle. Not wanting to get noticed, he decided on sitting on a bench furthest away. He just wanted to clear his head.

"Hey!"  
"Hey!" the voice repeated. Harry was pulled from his thoughts when he looked up and saw the five teenagers looking at him.  
"Come here" one of them called. Harry, having nothing better to do, went over to them.  
"What's your name?" one of the boys asked.  
"Harry"  
"Mark" the boy said, holding out his hand. Harry not sure what to do, took the hand.  
"What's wrong? You look like death just came over you and your just sitting over there the whole time" Mark said.  
"Nothing" Harry replied.  
"Right…well come and join us, there's nothing that we can't fix, right guys?" Mark said asking his friends.  
"Right" they all chorused.  
"So have a seat…by the way this is Johnny, Sam, Zack, and our only girl, Alexia" Mark said pointing out everyone.  
"Hi" Harry said.  
"Well don't look so excited" Alexia said, Sam rolling his eyes.  
"Have some…trust me you will be forgetting all about what ever your thinking about in no time" Zack said, handing him a bottle, which Harry realized was vodka.  
After taking a couple of sips, Harry realized that he was right, he was starting to forget about everything that was bothering him.

"So you new around here?" Mark asked.  
"No…I go to a boarding school and I just come back for the summer to live with my aunt and uncle" Harry explained.  
"Ahh cool" Johnny said.  
"No not really" Harry replied.  
"I already like this guy! Welcome to our group" Sam said, throwing his arm around Harry's shoulders.  
"Thankss" Harry slurred, having finished one bottle already.  
"No prob. We usually meet here round midnight...you know after all our shit parents went to bed…so if you ever want to come again, just come" Mark offered.  
"Sure. I think I'd like that," Harry said.  
Then Mark pulled something out, which Harry realized was a joint.  
"Come on…here" Mark offered.  
Harry didn't care at this point about anything anymore and took a puff. He started coughing.  
"Mann…have you ever done this before?" Mark asked and when he saw Harry shake his head, he continued, "Just take a big puff and hold it in. Let it fill your lungs, and then just release it…you'll get the hang of it in no time" Mark said.  
Harry did was he was told and enjoyed the new feeling he got.  
At around four in the morning, Harry decided to head back. He was high and drunk, and wanted at least some sleep.

At least he had forgotten about Sirius for one night…and many more to come…

**A/N Please Review!**


	2. Mrs Figg

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 2 – Mrs. Figg

For the next month, he would always meet with Mark, Johnny, Sam, Zack, and Alexia at midnight in the park. They would drink, smoke, talk, and just hang out.

One night, they decided to play truth or dare.

"Okay Harry…lets see…truth or dare?" Sam asked.

"Dare" Harry replied.

"Okay I dare you to kiss Alexia…and it has to last at least a minute…tongue and everything," Sam said.

Harry started to fancy Alexia over the time and so he didn't mind at all.

"Okay" Harry said and moved over to Alexia. Her being the only girl in the group, she was a bit tough for a girl, but she still could be a girl.

Harry leaned in and kissed Alexia. He ran his tongue along her lips, asking for entrance. When she gave it, he slipped his tongue in, exploring every corner of her mouth. He felt the electricity go through him. Harry didn't even realize that his minute was definitely up; he just kept going.

"Okay okay….geez get a room will you?" Zack joked.

Alexia pulled back, "Maybe we will…how about it Harry?" she asked, a small smile showing.

"Sure" Harry said and he got up to follow her, the guys whistling after them. They went behind some bushes.

"Harry…well ummm…" she started to blush; dropping her 'tough' act, and just being like every girl. This is what Harry liked about her, she could be tough, but yet she could also just be a normal girl.

"Alexia…"

"I just wanted to say that…well I have always liked you and-" but she got cut off when Harry's lips crashed down on hers. After what seemed like eternity, they pulled apart.

"Me too" Harry softly whispered and pulled her in for another kiss.

They finally separated and joined the guys again, walking hand in hand.

"Finally decided to come back?" Johnny said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yeah" Harry said, blushing slightly.

"So…you two together now?" Mark asked.

Harry and Alexia looked at each other.

"Yes" Harry said.

"Finally!!" Sam exclaimed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Alexia asked.

"Come on! You two were like two lovesick puppies. I was wondering when you two would already hock up, I guess you guys all owe me 5 pounds!" Sam exclaimed.

"You guys had a BET!" Alexia yelled.

"Come on…no harm done. It was all about when you would get together and I happen to have won" Sam said.

"Whatever…" Alexia said, and pulled Harry in for another kiss.

"Okay, nowwww" Johnny stressed.

"Yes…here I got some free joints from Luke today" Zack said, handing everyone their own joint.

Harry definitely did not know what he would do once he had to return to Hogwarts. Honestly, he liked the way things went. Now he would do his chores; take a nap; wake up from nightmare; cut and relive the pain; meet the group; get wasted and high; love life for those few moments; go back and sleep a bit more before the next cycle started again.

He also didn't want to leave Alexia. He just finally got together with her and in less than three weeks he would be leaving her.

* * *

Two days before he had to leave, he decided to talk to the group about his leaving.

"So um…as you know I will be leaving for school again in two days…and…well…I don't think I can handle it without you know…our midnight fun" Harry said.

"Haha! Of course not" Sam said, holding out a bottle of vodka for Harry.

"Well…so I was wondering…well…could you guys send me some?" Harry asked.

"Sure. Just give us the address and well send it to you. You know we got your back" Mark said.

That's when he realized that they couldn't just send it to him. Obviously they couldn't use owl post; being muggles and all. Then an idea struck his mind.

"Well since my school is kind of all suspicious of mail that we get…why don't you drop it off at Mrs. Figg's house and she can send it to me. They usually don't check mail from family or people they know…so that way they would never find out" Harry said.

"Sure…but won't she become suspicious?" Johnny asked.

"No. She'll understand…we'll just have to say that you guys are sending me sweets…so maybe you could put in some candy bar once in a while so I can open it in front of my…friends and just pull out my candy bar so they won't become suspicious" Harry said.

"That's pretty clever there Harry. I think we can pull that off, just write to us and let us know when you run out" Sam said.

"Good…and then I will also send along my money…with my 'order'" Harry said, laughing at how it sounded.

"Good! Now lets stop talking about your leaving, your already depressing me…time for fun!" Mark said and brought out more bottles of vodka. Harry could finally relax…now he would be able to continue with his midnight 'fun'. At first he was worried he would have to give it up, but now he knew his friends would be able to help. Now the only worry left, was Alexia.

* * *

The next day, they went over to Mrs. Figg's house.

"Harry" she said.

"Hey Mrs. Figg. Umm...well I was just wondering if I could ask you to allow my friends to send me mail while I'm at school" then he leaned in closer to her "they obviously can't use owl mail…you see their my muggle friends".

"Of course my dear. I have no problem with that" she said and smiled.

"Thanks a bunch. Well this is Sam, Mark, Johnny, Zack, and Alexia. Just so you know. They might each send something to me" Harry said.

"No problem. Just bring whatever you want to send here and I will send it for you" she said.

"Thanks, but we have to go, you know we only have today and then I'm off again" Harry explained.

"Yes yes…well it was nice meeting all of you and seeing you again Harry. Have a good year" she said and with that they left.

-----

"Man did you guys see all of her cats" Sam said once they were on their way to the park.

"Yeah, probably her only company" Johnny joked.

"Guys…knock it off. She is actually the only person that was ever nice to me when I was younger. And don't forget she is going to allow you guys to send me…my fun!" Harry said.

"Okay okay…we should use the time we have wisely, tomorrow your leaving, so we should have a good bye party!" Mark said.

"Well you guys can go and set up I just want to talk to Harry for a bit" Alexia said taking Harry's hand. Harry and Alexia had become extremely close. Harry shared more with her than with the rest of the guys, and it was the same for her.

"Okay. Just meet us at the park in two hours" Zack said and they left them alone.

-----

"Alexia…" Harry started.

"Harry…I know you have to go. And as much it hurts, I know you don't have a choice, but know that I won't forget you" Alexia started.

"I won't ever forget you. And you know…I still want to be with you. I mean we could send each other letters every week or something. I mean you just have to give the letter to and maybe I can sneak out of school a couple times and come see you. I don't want this to end just because I'm leaving" Harry said.

"Really?" Alexia said, hope shining in her eyes.

"Promise. Unless you don't want to. I mean it will be hard and different, but I think we can figure something out," Harry said.

"Of course I want to continue this. And I know it will be hard, but I have never felt the way about anyone like I feel about you" she said, and with that Harry captured her lips with his.

When they broke apart, they looked each other in the eyes.

"No girl better take you while you're there" she playfully said, yet Harry could tell the serious tone she used.

"And no guy better take you from me. I will get the guys to keep and eye out on you" Harry said. She smiled and they kissed again, only breaking apart for air.

When they realized that it was time to get to the park, they walked hand in hand, each lost in their own thoughts.

**A/N Please Review!**


	3. A New Year

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 3 – A New Year

"There are the two love birds" Zack smirked.

"I thought you guys would never come" Sam said.

"Shove off" Harry said.

"Here Harry, our going away present" Mark said, holding out a cardboard box.

Harry opened it and when he saw what was inside, he smiled.

"Thanks! This will keep me covered for at least the first week," Harry said, looking down on a couple of bottles of vodka, and a couple of joints.

"No problem. We thought you would like some of that. Just make sure no one catches you with that. We don't want to get you into trouble now do we?" Sam said.

"Of course not!" Harry said.

Then everyone started to sit down and for the evening, forgetting about the fact that one of their friends would be leaving them. Although his friends always drank and smoked, they were still really good friends. Sometimes he felt like he could connect with them even better than with Ron and Hermione. He felt like he didn't need to be a certain person with them. He didn't feel like they expected him to be this 'savior' of some kind. He could just be himself. He could share his problems with them and not have to worry about the way it would make him look, since he was supposed to be the 'golden boy'.

That night they stayed out 'till six in the morning, and when Harry returned he was still drunk and a bit high, but he didn't care. He wouldn't have to see the Dursleys for a whole year, so he didn't care if they saw him a bit tipsy and high. He got pretty good with holding his liquor over the last few weeks.

The Dursleys, reluctantly, dropped him off at the station, ignoring the fact that he reeked of booze and smoke.

He was early, and so he went to the usual compartment. Realizing that he probably still smelled like booze, he used a freshening charm, hoping they wouldn't notice anything was amiss. Lately he just barley replied to their letters. They were so careful when they wrote, like he would break, but he wouldn't. He found ways to deal with all the pain and just forget about last year's events. When it got too much, he could handle it. Maybe not the best way, but he didn't care.

"Hey mate" Ron said when he came in, Hermione behind him.

"Hey Harry" she said.

"Hey guys!" Harry said, faking his cheerfulness. He got up and hugged them both.

"So how's it going?" Harry asked.

"Well…um…Harry" Ron started.

"What is it Ron?" Harry asked annoyed that he wouldn't just spit it out.

"Well you see over the summer…well…"

"What he's trying to say is that over the summer me and him got together," Hermione said, Ron turning beet red.

A soft "Oh" was all Harry managed.

"You're okay with this right?" Hermione asked carefully.

"Of course" Harry said, waving his arm to show he didn't care.

"Good…I was worried that maybe…you know…"Hermione trailed off.

"No no. I'm happy for you two. It was bound to happen. It was just a matter of time," Harry said.

Hermione sighed a breath of relief.

The next hours passed by. Small talk was all they managed. Ron and Hermione left a couple of times, coming back looking flustered. It hurt. Not that Harry minded that his two best friends go together. Not at all. He was happy for them; it was just that it reminded him of Alexia and how she couldn't be here with him. He really needed to come up with a plan for him to be able to sneak out for a couple of hours and meet her and the guys. This is what Harry was thinking about for the rest of the train ride.

After the sorting and feast, Harry went up to his dorm, got some of his 'fun' things, grabbed his invisibility cloak, and left for the Astronomy Tower. When he got there, he took a sip of vodka, and lighted his joint. He was up there for a good portion of the night, until he thought he could get a decent night of sleep. Being back here, brought memories of what happened last year back. And after only an hour of sleep, even in his drunken state, he was plagued by nightmares, and when he awoke, he did what he knew best for coping with the pain. He took out the same piece of glass that he had been using over the summer, and cut. There were now over 15 scares on his arm. After he felt relaxed again, he fell asleep.

He was awoken by Ron shaking him.

"Harry come on get dressed or we'll miss breakfast," Ron said.

"Ughh…you guys go ahead please. I'll come when I'm ready" Harry said.

"Are you sure mate?" Ron asked.

"Yes. Now please go. Don't want to keep Hermione, your _girlfriend_, waiting now do you?" Harry said.

"Right okay then. See you" Ron said and left the dormitory.

Harry was in no mood to talk to anyone right now. Last night was the worst since the beginning of the summer. At the beginning of August, his nightmares stopped being as bad as before. After that they were just flashes, but nothing bad really.

Harry got up and got himself ready. When he looked on his arm, he saw all of his scars. Knowing that if someone saw them, it would cause hell, he decided to put a glamour on his arm. He didn't want anyone knowing what he did. The only person who knew was Alexia, and she understood. The guys suspected, but never really said anything. None of that would happen if someone here would find out.

_Wouldn't be good if the golden boy; the savior of the Wizarding World cut his wrists_ Harry thought bitterly. That's another reason why he liked his group. They knew him as Harry; not Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived; the golden boy; the savior of the Wizarding World.

Looking at his watch, Harry realized that he still needed to get his schedule. He ran from the tower and got his schedule from McGonagall, sparing enough time to make it to History of Magic just as the bell went, signaling the beginning of class.

**A/N Please Review!  
**


	4. Letters to Friends

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 4 – Letters to Friends

The week went by extremely slow for Harry. Every evening he would wake up from a nightmare and then he would go up to the Astronomy Tower to have some 'fun'. By the end of the week, he was down to two joints and half a bottle of vodka. Harry decided that he needed to write his friends so they knew that he needed more. He thought he would be able to get through at least two weeks, but as his nightmares grew worse, he couldn't help but use it up faster than planned. Ever since he had returned to Hogwarts, his nightmares came back as bad as they were at the beginning of the summer.

Harry woke up early on Saturday morning. Once he was ready, he went down to the kitchens. He didn't feel like going to the Great Hall. He also noticed a change in his friends. They seemed to walk on eggshells around him. Always making sure Sirius or anything to do with last year was never mentioned. They were always trying to talk to him; they never left him alone. This caused Harry to become more frustrated at his friends and made him want to leave and meet with his group even more. While he was walking back to the Gryffindor common room, he came across Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.

"Hey Harry! We noticed you were already gone…did you want to come with us for breakfast?" Hermione asked.

"No thanks. I already ate," Harry said.

"Oh…okay then. We're going to go to the library after to work on McGonagall's essay, want to come?"

"Umm…I'm not sure. I guess we'll see" Harry said, waved goodbye and left. He didn't feel like standing there and talking.

When he got back to his dorm, he took out a piece of parchment.

_Hey Guys!_

_You wouldn't believe how much I miss our little late night fun._

_I'm starting to hate it here. All of these people just won't leave me alone. At least you guys always knew when I wanted to be left alone. Well they seemed to miss the memo._

_Anyway…I kind of already ran out…so I was hoping if you guys could send me some more 'stuff'. I really need it at the moment. Things are just not the same here anymore._

_I would really appreciate it. I estimated on how much it would be so I hope what I'm sending you will be enough. Otherwise just let me know. So remember to take it to Mrs. Figg._

_Thanks,_

_Harry_

_ps. I really miss you Alexia_

With that, Harry folded the parchment, added some money, and wrote another quick note to Mrs. Figg.

_Dear Mrs. Figg,_

_This is a letter for my muggle friends. I put it in an envelope and already addressed it, so I would appreciate it if you could send it with the muggle post._

_Thanks,_

_Harry Potter_

Realizing that everyone was still at breakfast, Harry made his way to the Owlery and found Hedwig.

"Take this to Mrs. Figg" Harry said and sent her off. Harry hoped that he would get a reply soon.

Sunday night found Harry sitting, again, on the ledge on the Astronomy Tower; bottle and joint in hand. He wondered when his supply would come. This was his last joint and bottle of vodka. He looked down on his arm. Two new scars were there. He was even cutting more now that he was back. Everything was just worse the moment he came back to Hogwarts.

Monday morning, Harry was sitting with his friends. They were chatting away, Harry just starring at his food. He had lost his appetite. He looked up when he realized someone was poking him. He looked and saw an owl. Excitement rushed Harry. He hoped it was a message from his friends. He took the letter and package.

"Who's it from?" Ron asked.

"Friends" Harry replied.

"Duh!" Ron said. Harry took the letter.

_Dear Harry!_

_We miss you too. Sounds like its horrible over there. Maybe we should come? Haha. Anyway. We got your letter. Mrs. Figg actually delivered it to us. Weird huh? She said that you probably didn't want to wait even longer with the post. Whatever. We can't believe you already used everything up. It was supposed to last at least a week and a half. Things must really suck! So here you go. Your money was enough. We actually had one pound left over, but we kept that as delivery charge. Haha. This should last at least a week. Just mail us when you need more. So hope your well and will visit us soon. Miss you!_

_The guys, and Alexia_

Harry smiled after he finished reading the letter.

"So who's it from?" Ron asked again.

Harry was starting to get irritated.

"Friends" he hissed and got up from the table, package and letter in hand. When he made it to his dorm, he opened the package carefully. He smiled as he saw a chocolate bar, just like he asked them to. He then saw two bottles of vodka and a couple of joints. He hid everything in his trunk, placing a concealment charm on them.

The next week, Harry hardly spent time with his friends. They were really starting to piss him off and he just didn't want to hang out with them anymore. Sunday evening, he owled another letter, asking for more 'fun' items.

The next morning at breakfast, Dumbledore stood up.

"Good morning. I would just like to let everyone know, that this weekend is a Hogsmead weekend. As you know only third year students and up…" Harry tuned out after that. This was just what he needed. He was planning on a way to visit his friends. He just never knew when he could do it. But with all the students mostly gone from the castle, Harry could easily slip away for a couple of hours.

Harry kept planning in his head on his way to Transfiguration.

**A/N Please Review!**


	5. The Visit

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 5 – The Visit

For the next week, Harry planned his trip. He had to make sure that no one would notice that he was missing; that would cause too many problems. Harry didn't write to his friends to let them know that he was coming. Harry decided to just surprise them. He spent his days in the library, telling Ron and Hermione that he was studying. He was, just not anything to do with school. He was trying to cast a strong enough glamour to change his entire face. So far, Harry was able to change his hair and his face. The only thing he still had trouble was his eyes. He also tried to walk and get around without his glasses so that he wouldn't have to wear them. He wanted to make sure that no one could recognize him so he decided the best way was to not just wear his glasses while he was traveling. He decided that he would use his "study" excuse while he was gone. Harry also looked up a charm in order to time a parchment to appear.

Friday came, and Harry was starting to get nervous. He had everything planned, but still…anything could go wrong. After supper he told his friends that he was going to go study. He went up to his dorm to get what he needed. He took his invisibility cloak and Maurauders map. He found a piece of parchment and wrote his message:

_Ron,_

_I already left to Hogsmead. I wanted to go early since I will be studying for the rest of the day. I will just go and then come back to do some more research. I hope I will finish early, otherwise I will be there into the night. Might see you in Hogsmead._

_Harry_

He then took out his wand, placed the parchment on Ron's nightstand, and pointed his wand at the parchment '_Tempus revelio 7:42'_ Harry prayed that Ron wouldn't wake up before that time, since that was when the parchment was supposed to appear.

Harry left the dorm under his cloak, and took the secret passageway to the Shrieking Shack. Before he left to go to the Three Broomsticks, he put on his glamour. Finally getting his eyes just right. Outside of the Three Broomsticks, Harry took off his glasses and stepped inside. He walked over to the counter, where someone was just giving out some drinks.  
"Hello, I would like some floo powder" Harry said.  
"Okay, that will be two gallons"  
Harry took out the money, handed it to the man, and went over to the fireplace and threw it in.  
"Diagon Alley" Harry shouted and was whisked away.

He landed on the floor of the Leaky Cauldron. He got up and brushed off the sot and walked out of the door with a bit of trouble since he was not wearing his glasses. Once he was outside, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go to the park right away. He thought of some places that he could stay at while he waited. He didn't want to go to the Dursleys, but he also didn't want to go somewhere too far. He thought of some places close to the park that would stay open late. Harry finally thought of the Library that he would pass on his way to school. He knew that it was open until eleven. Harry took out his wand and hailed the Knight Bus. With a bang, the Knight Bus appeared in front of Harry. The doors opened and he stepped on.

"Where are you off to?" asked Stanley.

"Umm…the Public Library in Little Whining" Harry said.

"Take a seat," he said, and Harry went and sat down. After getting knocked around in the bus, it stopped and Harry got off.

Harry entered the library, finding a couch in the back corner. He looked up, searching for the clock. When he finally found it, it read 8:13. He found a book from the nearest shelf, and started reading. He was so into his book that he never realized that people were leaving. When someone finally approached him, he realized that it was five to eleven.

"We are about to close up," said the man.

"Sorry" Harry said and got up, put the book away and left out the doors. Once he was outside he decided to start walking to the park. He figured that it would take maybe 30 minutes if he walked at a slow pace. Harry was hoping that everyone would already be there when he got there since he didn't want to wait for them. When he got to a bus stop, he decided to take a little break; he did have enough time. Hearing the chiming of a nearby clock, he realized that it was already half past eleven.

Harry started walking again, and when he got closer to the park, a smile could be found on his face. He could hear everyone talking and laughing. Oh how he missed that, Harry thought. Harry went behind a tree, and took out his wand, taking off the glamour. Once the glamour was off, Harry started to walk towards the group. He knew that they wouldn't be able to see who he was, since he was walking in the shadows. He noticed their confused faces watching him.

"Hey guys!" Harry said, surprising everyone.

"Harry?" Zack asked.

"No, Superman" Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"Harry!" Alexia exclaimed, running towards Harry, enveloping him in a hug.

"I missed you," she said.

"Me too" Harry said, kissing her passionately. When they finally broke apart, Harry looked over Alexia at the others.

"So what's new?" he asked casually.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Johnny asked.

"So what? Can't you guys just be excited that I'm here?" Harry said, a bit of annoyance leaking into his voice.

"Sorry…it's just we didn't know you guys got time off," Mark said.

"We don't" Harry said and at their confused expressions continued, "But that didn't stop me now did it?" he said and at their continued confused expressions said, "I just left okay? No one knows."

"Oh…won't you get in trouble?" Sam asked.

"Maybe, but only if they find out, which they won't. I covered everything," Harry said.

"So now lets stop worrying about me, and lets have some fuuunnn! I have been soooo bored since I went back to school," Harry said.

"Say no more!" Mark said and brought out a bottle of whiskey.

"Whiskey?" Harry questioned.

"Yeah…we decided to try something new. Not the best, but we can't get vodka for a while, so we decided to this stuff would have to do" Zack explained.

"Well stop talking and give me some" Harry said laughing and soon everyone joining in.

For once, Harry could relax with his friends. The last couple of weeks had been stressful for him, and Ron and Hermione were starting to become a bit of an annoyance. He was glad that he decided to come, and hoped no one would find out, even though he did cover all points so that no one would find out, but there was still that slim chance.

**A/N Please Review!**


	6. With His Friends

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 6 – With His Friends

Harry was having the time of his life. He was finally back together with his friends, doing what they always did. He couldn't even think of going back, but he had to. He had everything already figured out. He was going to stay until late Saturday night. That night he knew that he had to find someone to stay with.

"Hey Alexia…youse won't min' me stayn' wiss you right?" Harry slurred.

"Haha! 'Course not Har'" Alexia said, draping her arm over Harry's shoulder.

"Great…now lets play!" Harry said, holding up his glass.

That night, Harry and Alexia left together. They barley made it up to Alexia's room. Harry didn't even change, he just plopped himself on her bed, and passed out. Alexia had to move him over in the bed so that she could fit on it too.

The next morning, Harry woke up with a splitting headache. When he opened his eyes, he didn't know where he was, but then last nights memories came flooding back to him. He searched beside him for any sign of Alexia, but he didn't find her. But that was until a bright light assaulted his eyes.

"What the hell?" Harry yelled.

"It's called waking up," Alexia said, standing by the window having pulled the curtains back.

"Well I don't care. I've got a headache and I wouldn't mind you closing the curtains," Harry pleaded.

"Too bad. It's not my fault that you've got a hangover," she said, walking over to Harry's bed. Harry just fell back down. Alexia climbed on the bed and pulled the covers back.

"Ughh! Just let me sleep!" Harry exclaimed.

"Too bad!!" Alexia said, trying to pull Harry up.

"All right, all right! I'm up! Okay now you can let me get ready," Harry said. Then he realized that he forgot his clothes. He didn't bring a change of clothes.

_I guess I didn't think of everything_ Harry thought.

"Umm…do you think I could call Mark?" Harry asked blushing.

"Let me guess. You thought of everything but bringing clothes. Am I right?" Alexia asked, a sly smile on her lips.

"No…" Harry said.

"Don't worry. I thought so. I didn't see anything with you, so I already called him and he brought some stuff over for you. And you might want to be ready, were going to the mall in…"Alexia checked her watch, "20 minutes. So you better be ready. Everyone is meeting here" she said and left the room.

Harry looked around the room and then found a pile of clothes on the nearby chair. He picked them up and took them to the bathroom.

After taking his shower, he walked downstairs where he saw everyone sitting on the couch talking.

"Finally!" Zack said.

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

"Nothing…lets just go" Alexia said, linking her arms with Harry's.

The day was spent at the mall and just around town. Harry really didn't want to leave. He had too much fun with them, and if he had a choice, he definitely would stay here.

"Come on!" Johnny yelled, running to their usual spot in the park.

"Guys I can't. I have to leave…" Harry trailed off. He could see the disappointment and sadness in them.

"Just a bit" Mark said.

"Fine just a bit" Harry agreed.

But that little bit, didn't turn out to be so little. After two and a half bottles of whiskey and two joints, Harry passed out. Whiskey was new for him and he wasn't used to it. Whereas with the vodka, he could drink one and a half and still not pass out, he would just be extremely drunk. Mark, Zack, and Johnny had to help carry him to Alexia's house.

When Harry woke up the next morning, he couldn't remember why he was still in Alexia's bed again. Then he realized that he never got back to Hogwarts. He started freaking out. He needed to get back. He was already gone two days now. People were going to start noticing him gone, if they didn't already. He jumped out of the bed, regretting it the moment his world around him started spinning. He felt vomit come up. He ran out of the room into the bathroom and threw up. He felt sick. After what felt like forever, he felt good enough to move without having the need to throw up. He went back to Alexia's room, and changed back into his old clothes. He then walked back to the bed to where Alexia was still sleeping.

"Hey Alexia" he whispered into her ear.

"mhmm…" Alexia responded. Harry nudged her again, this time she woke up.

"Harry…?" she said.

"Yeah…I need to go…" Harry trailed off. This got her attention and she sat up.

"Now? At…"she looked at her alarm clock, "6 o clock in the bloody morning?" she asked.

"Yes. I was already gone longer than what I had planned. I should have been back yesterday evening…but I stayed and I have to leave now. If they didn't already realize that I left, they will" He said.

"Fine…" she said, looking down at her hands. Harry pushed her chin up, so that he could look into her eyes.

"Hey don't worry. You can always write…and who knows maybe I can come again," he said, with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Okay…I guess," she said. Harry then leaned into her and kissed her. He looked at her again. He could see some tears rolling down her face. He wiped away the tears with his finger.

"Shhh…don't cry. Before you know it, I'll be back again causing trouble," he said, trying to lighten the mood. He had to stay strong, or else he would break down too, and not want to come leave.

With another kiss, she walked him down to the front stairs and he left.

Once he was around the corner, he took out his wand, put his glamour back on, and hailed for the Knight Bus. He had to get back to Hogwarts. Whether he wanted to or not.

**A/N Please Review!**


	7. A Talk in the Library

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 7 – A Talk in the Library

When he made it back inside the walls of Hogwarts, he walked up to the Gryffindor tower under his cloak. Once he made it into the dormitory, he noticed that everyone was still asleep. He made it to his bed, got changed and went back to sleep with a splitting headache.

He woke up again when Ron shook him.

"Hey mate. Come on or we'll miss breakfast," he said.

"Ughh…that's okay…I'm not really hungry. Just let me sleep. I got in late last night…studying and all" Harry said.

"We'll if you say so. We haven't really hung out the last two days. But I guess we can get you later" Ron said.

"Yeah sure…I'll see you" Harry said and flipped around to go back to sleep again. He was already back to sleep before he even heard the door close, and Ron leaving.

When Harry woke again, he checked his clock on the bedside table. 1:30 it read. With a groan, Harry got out of his bed and made his way over to the bathroom. He was still feeling a bit woozy from last night, and the night before, that didn't help either. He got into the shower, and let the warm water fall over his back. After his shower, he decided to look for Ron and Hermione. He didn't really want to talk to them, but he decided that he needed to since he hadn't seen them for the last two days and he didn't want them to become suspicious.

He finally found them crowded over a book in the library. When he approached them, they both looked up at him, with a surprise look on their faces.

"Hey guys" Harry said, a bit stiffly.

"Hi" Ron said.

"So your finally up are you?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah…I was umm…studying late last night," Harry said awkwardly.

"You sure seem to be a doing a lot of that lately," she continued.

"Yeah well…"Harry trailed off, not really knowing what to say to them.

"When will you tell us what you're _studying_?" Hermione asked, suspicion creeping into her voice. Harry started to panic. This was the one thing he didn't really think about. He had to think quickly. He decided with the semi-truth.

"Well you all know Tonks from…" Harry leaned in and whispered, "the Order and all". When they nodded their heads, he decided to continue.

"Well I have always been fascinated with her _ability_, and well I was just trying to figure out a way for normal wizards to do that, and well I've been practicing and such…"Harry trailed off.

"Well what can you do?" Hermione asked, a bit intrigued by what Harry was saying.

"Oh just simple things really. I just wanted to know if it was possible and I just tried changing my hair color. That's about it" Harry replied. He didn't really want to share with them the amount of knowledge he had.

"Can you show us mate?" Ron asked, looking forward to seeing Harry do something so cool.

"Ummm…sure" Harry said taking out his wand and concentrating on changing his hair. When he finally did, he looked at two awe stricken faces.

"Bloody brilliant" Ron exclaimed.

"Yeah…you should teach us how to do that," Hermione said enthusiastically.

"Umm yeah….well see about that…I don't know if I can or have time really…"Harry trailed off, not willing to tell them that he didn't really want to.

Hermione, noticing his reluctance, replied, "You don't have to…but if you do just let us know when you have time."

Harry, thankful, that she was not making him start right then and there, and giving him the option not to do it, smiled. He then changed back, and changed the subject.

"So what are you guys doing in here?" he asked.

"Just working on our Transfiguration essay" Hermione said, motioning to their parchments and book.

"Ohh…well can I join you guys…I didn't start on it yet" Harry asked.

"Sure" Hermione said and gave him a piece of parchment.

"Thanks" Harry replied and sat down beside Ron.

**A/N Please Review!**

**(- sorry, but this chapter is more of a filler -)  
**


	8. Fun Until You Get Caught

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 8 – Fun Until You Get Caught

For the next three weeks, the guys kept sending Harry his packages. He started to cut less, but his drinking and smoking habits didn't stop. It kept him relaxed and he liked the feeling he got after he smoked a joint. Another weekend in Hogsmead was planned, and Harry decided to leave again, since it was Zack's birthday that second last weekend in October. This time though, he decided to only leave for the one night and get back Saturday evening, since he didn't want to leave again. He had started to hang out with Ron and Hermione more often now, and so thought they would think it odd if he started disappearing again for the weekend. He would need to think of an excuse to why he would not go to Hogsmead. That Friday, he made another charmed parchment, just like last time, and placed it on Ron's bedside table.

_Ron,_

_I went to breakfast early, and Dumbledore decided that he needed to talk to me about something. I'm not sure what, but he said it was important. I'm not sure how long it will take, but if I get back in time, I will meet you guys in Hogsmead somewhere._

_Harry_

With that he charmed it to go off at 7:30 tomorrow morning. With that he took his cloak, and left to find Ron and Hermione. He found them in the library.

"Hey guys, I just got detention. So I won't be able to study with you guys tonight" Harry said.

"But you'll be able to come tomorrow right?" Ron asked. Harry of course couldn't tell them anything regarding his plans.

"Yeah mate. Wouldn't miss it" Harry said, and with that left the library.

Once he got outside of the library he put on his cloak, and left. Since he had already done everything once before, he wasn't too nervous. Again, he went to the public library to wait until he could go to the park. He didn't have a chance to get Zack anything for his birthday, so he just kept a bottle of his vodka. It was his first bottle of vodka again, after he had received whiskey the last two times in his packages. When he got to the park, everyone was there again, and so Harry decided to sneak up on them. He went behind Zack and started yelling / singing in an off voice, Happy Birthday. Zack, not expecting this, jumped up and turned to face Harry.

"Harry!" he exclaimed.

"Hey mate! Happy Birthday!" Harry said, clapping him on the back.

"Thanks" he said. Harry then handed him his package.

"Here you go. I know its not lots, but I had no chance to get you something" Harry said.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Zack said, opening the package.

"Harry mate, wasn't this yours that we sent you?" Zack questioned.

"Yeah…but its yours now" Harry said.

"Thanks again" Zack said, opening the bottle and taking a swig. Harry then went over to Alexia, gave her a kiss, and then she sat in his lap.

"So how long are you staying this time?" Sam asked.

"I will leave tomorrow evening. Even before you guys start to have another 'party'" Harry said.

"Whatever you say. But lets get this PARTY STARTED" Johnny said, yelling the last part. Everyone laughed at his outburst, and everyone started drinking. Harry noticed how they didn't drink too much and only smoked a bit.

"Why are you guys not drinking like crazy, and what's with only the two joints?" Harry asked curiously waiting for an answer.

"Well lets just say Alexia has got us on a regime" Mark started to explain.

"Yeah, she's starting to go all healthy on us and we were stupid enough to let her suck us all in" Sam continued.

"Guys! It's for your own good. We've been drinking and smoking way too much. I don't want to die an early death, thank you very much" Alexia said.

"Yeah yeah!" Johnny said. At first, Harry was going to laugh at the idea of them going 'healthy' but he realized that Alexia was right. They were drinking and smoking like crazy. If they wouldn't cut back, they would definitely die at an early age. Harry just didn't know what he would do if he couldn't drink or smoke anymore. He actually felt kind of proud of Alexia for her caring enough to get everyone to stop.

Finally, Harry left with Alexia. They where both so tried, that they both went to bed.

--------

The next morning, Harry woke up. He looked at the clock. _12:45_. Harry groaned, but got up and went to the bathroom. Harry took a shower, and got ready. When he went back to the room, Alexia was up.

"Hey" Harry said, kissing Alexia.

"Hey" she said.

"I'm going to take a shower, and then we can meet everyone at the park" Alexia said, getting her clothes and leaving the room. Harry went downstairs into the kitchen, and made himself some cereal. Alexia finally came down, and after she had something to eat, they left for the park.

--------

Finally around 9:30, Harry decided to leave. He needed to get back to Hogwarts. Once he left the Three Broomsticks, he took off his glamour and walked with his cloak to the Shreaking Shack. He didn't see the rock on the ground, and tripped, his cloak coming off.

"Well well….if it isn't Potter" Harry heard the familiar voice of Snape say.

"Aren't you out a bit late?" He said.

"I was just going back" Harry said, "Everyone had already left you see, and the carriages too"

"But you would know, that the Hogsmead trip ended long ago" Snape said.  
"Right" Harry glumly replied, knowing there was no way to get out of the situation.

"Then you would also know that you have left Hogwarts grounds, without permission…but I do wonder why you were out here?" Snape asked.

"Well I was….getting some more chocolate" Harry said.

"And where is it?" Snape asked.

"I already ate it all" Harry answered.

"Right, because Honeydukes would be open at such a late hour" Snape drawled on.

"Well…" Harry trailed off, not knowing how to respond.

"I would advise you to stop with your ridiculous lies…we'll see what the Headmaster will have to say about this irresponsible behavior of the _golden boy_" Snape said as he started walking in the direction of Hogwarts, robes billowing behind him.

"Yes sir" Harry said, and begrudgingly followed.

**A/N Please Review!**


	9. Friends No More

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 9 – Friends No More

Harry arrived in the Headmasters office. He was already going through possible scenarios in his head. The worst that could happen is that he would get expelled, but then he would just go and hang out with Alexia. He definitely wouldn't go back to the Dursleys. When he looked up at Dumbledore, he conjured up a seat for Harry and he sat down.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked, holding out a dish.

"No thanks", Harry said.

"Very well. Now Professor Snape, would you like to tell me what this is all about?" the Headmaster asked, looking over at Snape.

"Well it seems that your _precious_ Mr. Potter was not on school grounds this evening" Snape said.

"Well. This is definitely not what I was expecting, but I'm sure Mr. Potter here has a valid explanation" the Headmaster said, looking expectantly at Harry.

"Well you see…the carriages had already left, and well I…umm…fell asleep on some rocks, and when I woke up it was already late…so I decided to walk back" Harry tried to explain, hoping Dumbeldore wouldn't catch his lie.

"You know as well as I do, Dumbledore, that he is obviously lying" Snape tried to convince Dumbledore. Dumbledore, however, looked over Harry and then replied, "Is this true? Are you lying or did this truly occur?" Harry wasn't sure how to reply, but he decided to at least say something.

"No, its true. It really did happen" Harry said, already feeling guilty for lying, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Very well. Although this was not done on purpose, you were still off school grounds, meaning that you will have detention. Professor Snape…" the Headmaster trailed off, looking at Snape.

"Yes, you will have detention with me, tomorrow. 7 o'clock sharp!" Snape said.

"Yes sir" Harry replied.

"Good. Now you better go to bed Harry. We don't want you to fall asleep again somewhere" Dumbledore said, looking at Harry with a twinkle in his eyes. Harry then realized that Dumbledore knew that he was lying. Harry didn't hesitate, and left the office. A detention wasn't that bad, even if it was with Snape.

* * *

The detention turned out to be horrible. Snape had yelled at him, and the cauldrons that he had to clean, were almost impossible to clean. Harry was really upset; Snape had purposefully given Harry the worst cauldrons possible, and then got upset at him, when he didn't finish. The next evening, Harry was, again, sitting on the ledge on the Astronomy Tower, drink in hand. It was the chilly wind that made Harry decide to go back inside. He went up to his dorm, only to find everyone asleep. Harry was actually really glad that no one was up. Then no one could disturb him. He stayed up 'till around 5 in the morning.

He was fiercely shaken to wake up. When he opened his eyes, he came face to face with an angry Ron.

"What is this?" Ron asked, holding one of Harry's empty bottles. Harry silently cursed under his breath. He must have forgotten that bottle when he cleaned everything up. He decided to play innocent.

"I don't know" Harry said.

"Don't lie to me. I know it's yours. It was by your bed" Ron said, anger evident in his voice.

"Anyone could have dropped it there" Harry argued back.

"Next time, don't lie to your friends. If your friends were at all important to you, you wouldn't lie. I don't know what's gotten into you, but ever since we've come back, you've been different" Ron said.

"Honestly, I'm not lying" Harry tried again, worried about what Ron might do.

"Don't lie. When you think your friends are important to you again, then come and let us know, because I'm not going to be your friend, if you don't consider us your friends" Ron said. Harry was about to interrupt, but Ron held up his hand.

"And by the way, next time you might want to use a freshening charm, since you reek like booze" Ron said, and left a gaping Harry behind.

Harry cursed. _Shit! Now they know!_ Harry thought.

Throughout the day, Harry tried talking to Ron, but Ron wouldn't listen. Harry tried to tell him, that it was the first time, but Ron didn't seem to believe him. Ron just kept telling Harry that friends wouldn't lie to each other. On his way to dinner, Harry saw Ron walking down the stairs.

"Ron!" Harry called after him. Ron turned around, glared at Harry, turned around and just kept going. This stopped Harry in his tracks. He had hoped he could get Ron to listen to him, but obviously not. Harry debated about telling Ron what really was going on, but Harry realized that he couldn't. They wouldn't understand. By the time evening came, Harry was completely distraught. He felt like he had no friends here, and the friends he did have, he couldn't see. That night he went up to the tower. For the first time, in a while, he cut. He made several cuts on his arm. Harry took out a bottle and a joint. Harry was so 'out of it' that he never noticed the door to the Astronomy Tower opening.

-----

Professor Snape saw the door to the Astronomy Tower slightly ajar. He smiled; another student he can give detention out to and take points away from for being out of bed. But nothing could prepare him for the site that met him at the top. There he saw Harry Potter sitting on a ledge, bottle in hand, joint in his mouth, arm hanging down with several bleeding cuts, and a piece of glass on the floor.

**A/N Please Review!**


	10. Help

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 10 – Help

"Potter!" Harry heard a stern voice call. Harry snapped his eyes open, and saw Snape standing across from him.

"Oh…hi Professssor" Harry slurred.

"What is the meaning of this?" Snape asked menacingly.

"What? This? Oh did you want some?" Harry asked, holding out his bottle.

"No I do not!" Snape bellowed, took out his wand and vanished the bottle and Harry's joint.

"Hey!" Harry yelled and tried to get up, but in his drunken stage, he stumbled and fell. Harry then got up and glared at Snape.

"That was mine!" he yelled.

"Yes well, intoxication is not allowed at this school" Snape said.

"I must've missed the memo" Harry replied sarcastically.

"Really? I should give you detention for this" Snape threatened.

"Well go ahead. Like I could give a shit" Harry said.

"Language Potter! Now we wouldn't want the saviour of the wizarding world cursing," Snape said.

"Of course not! Gots to be perfect" Harry replied. Snape looked at him, then his eyes traveled to Harry's arm.

"And what's this?" Snape asked.

"Oh this? Well you see…I tripped and then fell" Harry lied.

"Right…and you just happen to get perfect cuts on your arm?" Snape replied sarcastically.

"Guess so…well I better get back to the dorms" Harry said, trying to leave.

"No!" Snape said, holding Harry back and locking the door.

"I will have to inform the Headmaster about this" Snape said, motioning to Harry's arm.

"No you don't!" Harry replied heatedly.

"Oh no?" Snape said, raising his eyebrows.

"No! You can just keep this to yourself. I mean…it definitely wouldn't look good if they found out that the Saviour of the Wizarding World is hurting himself, would it?" Harry replied.

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes" Harry replied.

"I don't have a choice, I have to report this, but first your coming with me" Snape said, and motioned for Harry to follow him.

"Why should I?" Harry defiantly replied.

"Because otherwise, we'll go straight to the Headmaster" Snape said, and started to leave. Harry followed, hoping to stall Snape, so he wouldn't tell the Headmaster. He definitely didn't want anyone knowing. Snape knowing was bad enough already.

They finally made it to Snape's office. Snape motioned him to enter.

"Hold out your arm" Snape demanded. Harry was thinking of not holding out his arm, but one look at Snape's face, told him he should. Snape took out his wand, and at first Harry wanted to jerk his arm away, but then he noticed that his wounds started to heal. He then realized that Snape was healing his wounds.

"They will leave scars, but its better than before" Snape said.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry asked.

"Because I'm sure you wouldn't want everyone to see your arm like that" Snape said.

"Well no…but why?" Harry tried again.

"Just because Potter…now lets go, we're going to the Headmaster" Snape said.

"No" Harry said.

"Yes we are!" Snape said.

"You have no right what so ever, to tell him! This is my own private life! You can't tell him," Harry yelled, not caring about what Snape would do to him for his insolence.

"Yes I do. You need to get help," Snape said.

"Yeah right! Like you would know about what I need," Harry yelled.

"Yes I do" Snape sharply replied.

"Like hell you do" Harry spat. Snape then did something that surprised Harry. Snape rolled up his sleeve, and showed Harry his arm. On his arm, were little scars. Harry gaped at him.

"You see…I do know" Snape said, and then sat himself on his chair.

"But…but…" Harry said, not able to come up with anything to say.

"Yes well, now lets go. We have to get you to the Headmaster" Snape said, getting up from his chair.

"No you can't! He can't know" Harry yelled.

"And why not?" Snape asked.

"Because imagine what he would think? What _everyone_ would think. I'm the bloody savior! They can't know!" Harry said.

"You need help. Understand that. The Headmaster can _help_ you" Snape said.

"Please no! Don't you know what it would feel like if everyone found out! Don't you realize that I don't want anyone to know" Harry tried pleading.

"I do. That's why I want you to go to the Headmaster. You need help" Snape replied, exhaustion evident in his voice.

"But why can't you help me? You obviously would know how," Harry asked.

"Because…you need a professional" Snape replied.

"Right. We'll you can't make me go" Harry said.

"Then I will just have to put you in a body bind and carry you there" Snape replied.

"Please!" Harry pleaded, "Please! I can't let him know….please…." Harry trailed off.

Snape sighed.

"Fine" Snape said.

"Thank-you! Thank-you!" Harry said,

"Yes well don't thank me yet. Just because I won't tell him _now_, doesn't mean I won't tell him at all" Snape said, "However, from now on you will see me before curfew, and before breakfast. You will show me your arms, and you will also take an alcohol analyzer potion" Snape said. Harry thought it over. He could either agree, and just have to follow these terms, or he could not accept, and then he would have to go to the headmaster. He definitely didn't want to tell the Headmaster, and Snape's terms didn't seem too bad.

"Alright" Harry agreed.

"Good. Now you better get off to bed. Tomorrow before curfew come here, and bring the rest of all of your alcohol and _smokes_. I'm also going to keep this here" Snape said, holding up the piece of glass Harry had used to cut.

"But…" Harry tried to argue, but Snape held up his hand.

"No buts! You will do this, or its straight to the Headmaster" Snape said.

"Fine!" Harry said.

"Good. I'll see you here before curfew tomorrow then" Snape said, opening the door.

"Yes sir" Harry replied and left to go to his dorm.

----

Snape didn't know why he agreed to this. It was Potter for goodness sake. But he realized that he wanted to help. He knew what it was like to feel all alone, and taking all of the pain and anger, and using it to hurt himself; hoping to make the feelings go away. He just hoped that he could help him. _This is going to be a long year_ Snape thought, and with that, he left his office.

**A/N Please Review!**


	11. New Friendships Formed

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 11 – New Friendships Formed

The next evening, Harry was wandering down to Snape's office. At first he didn't want to go in, but then he decided that he better go before Snape would come for him. In his hand, he carried a bag, which contained all of his alcohol and joints. He didn't want to test Snape. He was sure that he could get more anyways from his friends. He knocked on the door and waited.

"Enter", and with that Harry pushed open the office door and went inside. Snape looked up from what he was doing and motioned for Harry to take a seat.

"You can leave your _things_ here," Snape said, motioning to the desk beside him. Harry dropped the bag and took his seat again.

"Now, show me your arms" Snape said, and Harry rolled up his sleeves. Snape inspected his arms, and found no new cuts.

"Good. You should keep it like this from now on" Snape said. Harry wasn't sure if he really could, but replied with a "Yes, sir".

"Let me give you some advice", and when Harry didn't object, Snape continued, "Whenever you feel like you need to, _hurt_, yourself, do something else instead. For example, I used to go into an unused classroom and duel with a dummy" Snape explained. "Do whatever you feel like you can do, what ever can distract you from _hurting_ yourself. And about this…_drinking_ of yours. Do no more, as this is strictly prohibited on school grounds. Alcohol is in no way, shape, or from a way to repress and push away your hurt, unless you want to end up in St. Mungos anytime soon. Do you understand" Snape said.

"Yes, sir" Harry replied. He didn't exactly know what he would do, but Snape's idea of dueling sounded pretty good to him, and he already knew that the Room of Requirements would be the perfect place.

"Is that all?" Harry asked, ready to get out of Snape's presence.

"Yes. You may go. I will see you here tomorrow morning before breakfast. 7:30 _sharp_", and with that, Harry left.

* * *

The next days continued in the same manner. Harry would see Snape before breakfast and before curfew. He would check Harry for any new cuts and he would make Harry use an alcohol analyzer potion, which consisted of Harry mixing a bit of his blood with the potion. The potion would then turn a color to show the amount of alcohol in Harry's blood. Snape would also give Harry some advice here and there, which surprisingly to Harry, he actually took into consideration. He needed to go to the Room of Requirements only three times in the last week, and he had already received some more alcohol and joints from his friends, not that Snape knew. Although he knew it was wrong, and he felt like he shouldn't, nothing kept him from drinking again. After his usual check in with Snape, Harry made his way up to the Astronomy Tower. He told himself that he would just drink a little bit, but that thought was thrown out fast, and Harry was drunk by the time midnight hit. Harry was not really concerned, not even when the door opened, and in walked a boy with platinum blond hair. Shock was evident on the boy's pale face.

"Potter" he sneered.

"Ahh Malfoy, my dear nemesis. Isn't it perfect? Why don't you go run back to your little _master_ and tell him how pissed I am. It sure is the best opportunity to get rid of me once and for all," Harry said.

"What's wrong with you Potter. Not enough fans following you around these days?" Malfoy taunted.

"No" Harry replied. Malfoy starred for a bit and then walked over to Harry and pulled the bottle out of his hands.

"What? Not you too! Give it back", but before Harry could say more, he saw Malfoy take a swig.

"You don't think you're the only one with problems that they would rather forget?" Malfoy said, but not with as much venom as usual.

"What problems could you ever have?" Harry asked skeptically.

"I'm a Malfoy," he said, as if it would explain everything.

"And I'm a Potter" Harry said, not sure how to answer.

"Obviously" Malfoy replied. After a few moments of silence, Malfoy said, "My father expects me to take the mark. As if I would want to bow down and be treated like a _servant_".

"You don't want to?" Harry replied, surprise evident in his voice.

"Of course not. Just because I'm in Slytherin and my father happens to be _his_ right hand man, doesn't mean I want that too" Malfoy said and took another swig. Harry knew exactly whom Malfoy meant when he said _his _right hand man.

"Oh" is all Harry could reply with.

"Yes well…"

After another moments silence, Malfoy got up, and handed the bottle back to Harry.

"Its late, and I better get to bed. Nothing, I repeat, Nothing what we said up here will be shared with any one else. Got it?" Malfoy threatened.

"Of course not" Harry replied.

"Good…Good night Potter", and Malfoy reached for the door.

"Harry"

"What?" Malfoy asked.

"Harry. My name's Harry"

"Oh. Well good night…Harry" Malfoy said.

"Good night Draco" Harry said, and with that a stunned Draco left the tower.

One evening, during his late inspections, Snape told him something,

"Your friends, you haven't been interacting with them lately" Snape said.

"No" Harry replied.

"Well, I think it would be important if you tell them of your problems. You need your friends now, more than ever" and Snape dismissed him. So using Snape's advice he approached Ron and Hermione the next evening in the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Ron" Harry said, but Ron ignored him.

"Ron" Harry tried again, but when Ron ignored him again, he continued anyway.

" I know you're mad. And you have every right to be-"

"Yeah I do" Ron said. Harry sighed, but continued, "I know, but well…there are some things going on…some things that I felt like I couldn't share with you guys. That you guys would be…well ashamed of me" Harry ended in a near whisper.

"Oh Harry" Hermione cried, and hugged him.

"I've started to get it under control again, but I need my friends too" Harry said.

"Okay" Ron said, and punched Harry in the arm.

"Well, I guess I should tell you. I guess it all started this summer, with Sirius gone and all, I felt all alone and I didn't know how to handle it, so when I started drinking and realizing it helped me forget…well I get going and from there…." Harry continued replaying his story, but leaving out his friends. He didn't want them to find out about his friends, thinking that they wouldn't approve. He also didn't tell them about his cutting. His drinking yes, but not his cutting. Not even Draco knew of this, and over the last couple of weeks, they had formed a pretty close friendship with each other. He would always come up to the Astronomy Tower and drink with Harry. Harry and Draco would share with each other their different problems. Draco talked mostly about his Father and his wishes for Draco to join the Dark Lord, and Harry mostly just talked about Sirius and his upcoming fight with Voldemort. While he was thinking of his friendship with Draco, maybe he could tell him everything; even his cutting.

After a long discussion with Ron and Hermione, he finally went to bed, thinking he was finally on the right track, and maybe he would get better.

**A/N Please Review!**


	12. Revelations and Surprises

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 12 – Revelations and Surprises

For the next few weeks, Harry had a pattern. He would wake up, go see Snape, have breakfast and go to his classes, do homework and hang out with Ron and Hermione, go see Snape again, hang out and drink with Draco, and then he would go to sleep. Draco knew that Harry had to go see Snape, and so they always met after curfew. Harry was starting to get better. He continued to write to his friends and they kept sending him his alcohol. Harry knew he would never find another way to go see them again before next summer, but he was determined to find some way to visit them before that. One late evening, Harry and Draco were sitting on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower; heating charms in place, as it was getting cold with the late November chills.

"So I never asked, but how do you always have this booze with you. Even I don't have such a ready supply _all _the time", Draco asked.

"I dunno. I guess I just have it" Harry said, not sure how Draco would react to him knowing that Harry had muggle friends who would send him the alcohol.

"Well _duh_, but _how_?" Draco asked.

"Some friends" Harry evasively answered.

"Obviously not the Weasel and mud- muggleborn" Draco said, amending his word when he got a stern look from Harry.

"No not them" Harry said.

"Come on! Just tell me. It's not like I would tell anyone," Draco said.

"Some muggle friends okay!" Harry snapped.

"Okay. Not bad I guess. At least their useful for something" Draco said, shrugging his shoulders.

"By the way, why are the Weasel and mudbl-muggleborn not here? I thought they would join you"

"No…they wouldn't. I don't even think they realize that I'm friends with you, let alone that I drink with you" Harry said.

"Oh" Draco said.

That night however, Draco forgot to bring the sobering potion, and therefore the two were out cold come morning. Harry woke up, and realized that he wasn't in his dorm. He jumped up, regretting it the moment a wave of dizziness hit him. The memories of last night came back to him and the fact that they hadn't taken the potion. Harry cursed under his breath while he went to wake Draco.

"Draco" Harry said, nudging Draco's sleeping form.

"Huh" was the only reply, but with another nudge, Draco woke up, he too realizing that they had fallen asleep on the Tower.

"Shit" Draco cursed. Then Harry remembered that he was supposed to meet Snape.

"Damn!" Harry cursed loudly while straightening his robes.

"I'm already late. Shit. Snape's going to kill me!" Harry said on his way to the door.

"Why do you always need to go see Snape?" Draco questioned. Harry didn't know why he did it, maybe the alcohol was preventing him from thinking clearly, but he pulled up his sleeves and showed his arms to Draco.

"That's why" and if that finally made Harry realize what he did, he pulled his sleeves back down and ran down to the dungeons, leaving a gaping Draco behind.

-----

"You're late" is all that Snape said when Harry arrived in his office.

"Sorry…overslept," Harry said, trying to catch his breath.

"Well come here" Snape said, motioning to his desk.

After taking his potion, Snape looked at the results, his face twisting into one of anger.

"Do tell me why there are traces of alcohol in your blood" Snape said.

"Umm…" Harry tried to come up with something, but he knew that he couldn't lie.

"We'll talk about this later tonight, we're already late for breakfast" Snape said, and left his office.

That night they did talk about it, and Harry was again made to bring all his alcohol. On his way back to Snape's office, with all of his alcohol, Harry made a little stop at the Tower and left some there, and with that continued back to the dungeons. Harry was also assigned an essay on the effects of alcohol and the damages it can cause. After he was done talking to Snape, he contemplated going up to the Tower. He knew that Draco would probably want to talk about his scars, but Harry didn't know if he was ready to talk about it. Knowing that Draco would be waiting, Harry decided to just go and take the chance.

When he got up to the tower, he saw Draco sitting on the edge. Harry went over to where he left the drinks, and took a bottle. When he noticed that Draco wasn't drinking, he offered his drink, but Draco didn't take it.

"We need to talk" Draco said.

"What's there to talk about" Harry replied.

"You know about what. Those scars you showed me this morning" Draco said.

"So what. You saw some scars, big deal. Now come on grab a drink," Harry said, passing his drink, but again Draco didn't take it.

"No. I want to know why" Draco said, getting a bit irritated by Harry.

"Uggh…" After sitting in silence for the next half an hour, Harry spoke up,

"If I tell you, will you stop asking me?"

"Yes" Draco replied.

"Fine. It really started as an accident I guess" Harry said, looking at Draco who was arching one of his eyebrows.

"Well it did. I mean, I was upset and then I accidentally cut myself on a piece of glass, and when I realized how it made my 'pain' disappear, I guess I just kept cutting. I guess it just kept getting worse after that. Whenever I felt upset or hurt, or I just couldn't handle my feelings, I would cut. Then I met Mark, Johnny, Sam, Zack, and Alexia" at Draco's confused look Harry said, "my muggle friends". Harry then explained about their drinking and late night fun, his trips back to see them, all up to the night when Snape found him.

"But you've stopped right" Draco asked, worry evident in his voice.

"Well I've tried. I mean I haven't for a really long time actually," Harry said.

"Okay. Well if you ever need to talk…I'm here," Draco hesitantly said.

"Thanks" Harry whispered. And after a long awkward silence Draco looked at Harry and said,

"Come on, pass me some. You're not the only one drinking tonight. And don't worry, this time I didn't forget the sobering potion" and with that Harry passed Draco a drink.

-----

A week before Christmas holiday's, Snape informed Harry that he would only see Harry four times a week; trusting Harry not to do anything foolish. He also told Harry to remember to never leave Hogwarts grounds, since Voldemort was out for his blood. Harry wasn't too worried about Voldemort and was happy about the less frequent visits with Snape, and was already thinking if he could use that to his advantage. Ron, Hermione, and Draco all left for the Holidays, leaving Harry by himself, but that didn't bother Harry at all.

The day before Christmas Eve, Harry decided that maybe now was the perfect time to visit his friends. No one would notice that he would be gone, since all of his friends were gone, and he didn't need to see Snape for the next three days. One little visit wouldn't hurt. So the next evening, Christmas Eve, Harry left Hogwarts.

He walked over to the park, hoping that even on Christmas Eve, they would be there, and he wasn't disappointed. He saw the group all huddled together over a fire.

"Hey!" Harry called to his friends. Before his friends could reply, they were surrounded and held by wizards dressed in black cloaks, wands pointed to their throats.

"What?" he could hear Zach say.

"Ahh…Harry Potter. Wait 'till our Master gets his hands on you" one replied.

"Get away from them, it's me you want!" Harry yelled, hoping they would leave his friends alone.

"Harry" Alexia called in panick.

"Don't worry Alexia" Harry tried to say in a calm voice, but failing miserably.

"Awww…really…I would" and with that, a green light shot out from one of the wands, hitting Alexia straight in the chest.

"Nooo!" Harry screamed.

"Who the fuck are you! Let me go!" Johnny screamed.

"Death Eaters" Harry breathlessly replied.

"Huh?" Mark replied.

"Shut up you filthy muggle" and another green light was seen, and Johnny's lifeless body fell to the ground.

**A/N Please Review!**


	13. My Fault

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 13 – My Fault

Before he knew what he was doing, Harry took out his wand and threw a stunning spell at the death eater who just killed Johnny.

"Harry?" Mark asked bewildered.

"Leave them alone!" Harry yelled sending another stunner, but it was deflected.

"Aww…but that would be no fun" one of the death eaters pouted, and then with a laugh shot a cutting hex at Sam.

"Aaaaaah" Sam's screams could be heard as he, too, fell to the ground.

"Sam!" Zack yelled running over to Sam's body, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Stupid muggle! That won't work" another death eater said.

"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, aiming at another death eater. Sadly, the death eater deflected the spell and threw his own at Harry, who successfully blocked it. Harry and his friends were now all surrounded. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't possibly fight them all.

"There's no where to go Potter! Our Lord will have you dead before your precious _friends_ will come" a death eater taunted. Harry was about to reply but before he could, he heard at least ten 'pop's and a spell aimed at him, and his world went black.

-----

Harry slowly woke up, groaning when he wanted to move his body. It felt like it was on fire. He finally opened his eyes, but closed them again when he was assaulted by bright light.

"Close the blinds" he heard a voice say, and when Harry opened his eyes again, he could only see a flicker of a light from a candle beside his bed. Harry took a look around and realized that he was in the infirmary.

"Potter" a voice said from his right. Harry turned his head and saw Snape standing there, Draco and Dumbledore beside him.

"W-what happened?" Harry asked, his voice barley above a whisper.

"Well let's just say you should be glad to be back and in one piece" Snape answered.

"What about…my friends?" Harry asked, casting his eyes down. He heard a sigh, but then Dumbledore answered,

"I'm sorry my boy…but…two were already dead when we came" _Johnny and Alexia_ Harry thought, "One was wounded quit badly by a cutting hex" _Sam_, "and died before we got him to St. Mungo's. The other two were both hit with spells while we tried to get to you and were taken to St. Mungo's."

"Are they alright then?" Harry asked with hope.

"I'm sorry…but they both passed away. One right after we got there, and the other boy just passed away last night" Dumbledore told Harry, sadness evident in his voice. There was a heavy silence that followed.

"How long have I been out?" Harry asked, trying to stop thinking about his friends, and how all of them were dead because of him.

"Four days. You were hit with a nasty curse, which took us a while to manage and reverse the effects," Dumbledore said.

"I must be off" Dumbledore said after another moment of silence, and left the infirmary.

"Potter…I hope you realize how foolish you were" Snape began, "I specifically told you _not_ to leave the grounds, yet you did, and look what happened. This is exactly what the Dark Lord had been waiting for. A moment where you were off grounds unprotected."

"But how could he have known?" Harry asked.

"Because he is the Dark Lord and put a tracking charm on you, well one of his death eaters did. The moment you were off grounds, he could follow you, and that is exactly what happened. You should lucky that Dumbledore himself had a charm placed on you that would go off the moment you left the school grounds. If we wouldn't have arrived when we did…well I wouldn't want to know what would have happened to you" Snape said, and with that, also left the infirmary.

"Draco-"

"No Potter! How stupid could you be! You could have gotten yourself killed! I mean they killed all of your friends, what says that you would've escaped. You could have died!" and without waiting for a reply, Draco stormed out of the infirmary, leaving a guilty Harry behind.

_They're all right! I'm the reason their dead! It's because of me. If I wouldn't have been so stupid! If I would've just listened to Snape…maybe they would all still be alive. I kill everyone. My parents, Credric, Sirius…and now… _Harry couldn't even finish his thoughts as he fell asleep.

A green light shot out of a wand and hit Alexia. Her lifeless body fell to the ground, Johnny next.

"_You killed them!" Sam yelled at Harry._

"_You killed us!" Zack yelled._

"_We should have never been friends with you. Because of you, everyone is dead!" yelled Mark._

"_Because of you I'm dead!" now there was Credric, pointing his finger at Harry._

"_Your fault!" Sirius yelled._

"_Your fault!" his parents yelled._

"My fault!" Harry yelled as he woke up from his nightmare. He had tears running down his face. "My fault", he repeated, over and over again. He searched for his glasses, put them on and then got out of his bed. He looked around the infirmary. The only light source was the moon from outside. He searched for something, anything to make his pain go away. "My fault" he kept repeating while he was walking around the in the infirmary. He finally found and empty potion vial on a shelf. He took it and smashed it against the wall, not caring if he woke up Madame Pomfrey. He took the pieces and left the infirmary.

----

The next morning, Draco walked to the Hospital Wing, hoping to talk to Harry. He felt guilty about what he had said yesterday, but he was just so mad at Harry's stupidity. When he walked into the infirmary, he saw Professor Snape and Dumbledore speaking to Madame Pomfrey.

"Well I don't know" Snape said.

"Have you checked _every_ place?" Dumbledore questioned.

"Yes, I believe I have" Snape answered.

"Gentlemen" Madame Pomfrey said, "I believe we have an audience" she said, motioning to Draco.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy" Dumbledore said.

"Professor, where is Harry?" Draco asked, looking at the empty bed.

"We don't know" Dumbledore replied.

"You don't know?" Draco questioned.

"I believe that is what he said," Snape drawled.

"Sorry sir, it's just that…well where is he?" Draco said.

"Obviously not here" Snape sarcastically said.

"Now now Severus, he is just concerned" Dumbledore said, and Snape snorted.

"Oh" Draco said. After a few minutes of silence, Draco excused himself and left the infirmary. He knew of only one place Harry would go, and he hoped that he would be there.

Draco ran up the stairs, and when he finally made it to the Astronomy Tower, he was panting for breath. He opened the door, and almost passed out at the sight. There, Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived, sat on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Glass all around him, cuts littering his arm.

"Oh Harry" Draco exclaimed. All he could hear where whispers of "My fault!" Draco at once levitated Harry behind him and started walking back to the Hospital Wing, glad that it was early in the morning and so he came across no other students.

"Madame Pomfrey!" Draco exclaimed once he made it to the infirmary.

"What is it…" she said but stopped when she noticed Harry behind Draco.

"Put him over there" she commanded, pointing to his bed.

For the next three hours, both Madame Pomfrey and Snape worked on Harry. Feeding him potion after potion. Finally they left Draco alone with Harry sleeping in his bed. Draco was brought out of his thoughts as the infirmary doors opened and a voice cried out,

"Oh Harry!" not seeing Draco sitting there, but a certain redhead did.

"Malfoy!" Ron spat.

"Weasley" Draco said, without his usual sneer.

"What are you doing here?" Ron asked.

"Well Harry here, my _friend_, doesn't seem to be doing to well" Draco said, putting extra emphasis on the word _friend _and pointed to Harry's sleeping form. Draco had to almost laugh at both of the expressions on Ron and Hermione. _This is going to take some explaining_ Draco thought, watching as Ron and Hermione both pulled up chairs on the other side of Harry and took a seat.

**A/N Please Review!**


	14. Trying to get you down

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 14 – Trying to get you down

"Well what are you still doing here?" Ron spat, looking over at Draco.

"I don't see a sign that's telling me I can't. I'll leave when I want to" Draco calmly replied.

"You don't even care, so why pretend," Ron asked skeptically.

"I do care. Get that in your thick head of yours" Draco replied, getting irritated by Ron.

"Yeah right" Ron said.

"What would you know?" Draco asked.

"More than you" Ron spat back.

"Ha! Yeah right! You didn't even know that anything was wrong with him, did you?" Draco asked.

"That doesn't matter right now!" Ron yelled.

"But it does! It shows just how much you know!" Draco replied, getting louder as well.

"Guys, be quiet or else you'll wake him up" Hermione said, but was ignored by both boys.

"You're not his friend. We are. So piss off," Ron yelled at him.

"Piss off?! Why don't you! I'm just as good friends with him as you are" Draco seethed.

"You're his _enemy_ not his friend _Malfoy_" Ron spat, getting up from his seat.

"I'm his _friend_! At least I knew where to find him. You wouldn't have know at all," Draco said, also getting up.

"That's probably because you hurt him in the first place!" Ron yelled, getting out his wand and pointing it at Draco.

"Right! You're just jealous that I know more about him than you" Draco said, also getting out his wand.

"Jealous…jealo---why you…_Ari-_"

"Enough!" a weak voice yelled, "enough you two". Both Ron and Draco looked down, and saw Harry awake.

"You're _both_my _friends_. So just stop with all this nonsense" Harry weakly said.

"Sorry" Ron mumbled, and Draco shook his head. Harry let out a sigh.

"Ron…Draco is my friend, just as much as you are. You might not have known…but he is still my friend" Harry said.

"But how? He's a slimy Slytherin. A Death Eater!" Ron exclaimed.

"No Ron, he isn't" Harry said, getting irritated.

"Well why don't you tell us then how you became friends" Hermione asked, and Harry shot her a grateful look.

"Well I guess it started when he came up to the Astronomy Tower and wanted some of my alcohol" Harry said, and Hermione gasped.

"Alcohol! You know that's not allowed" Hermione lectured.

"I know, I know" Harry said, a bit amused by his friends antics.

"Anyway…after that…we sort of had a truce…and I don't know…it just went from there" Harry said, not able to really explain himself. There was a silence that filled the room.

"Does that mean we have to be friends with _him_ too?" Ron asked, disgust clearly shown on his face. Harry just chuckled.

"No…you don't have to be friends," Harry said, and when Ron took a breath of relief, he continued, "You just have to tolerate each other". Harry almost started laughing when he saw Ron and Draco's equally shocked faces.

"I guess so…just don't expect me to call you _Draco_" Ron said and shuddered.

"Same here" Draco said, and Harry smiled at both of his friends; glad that they were at least being civil to each other.

"So what happened, Harry?" Hermione asked, looking at his arm. Harry didn't know how to answer, but he knew he couldn't lie to them again.

"I guess it was just too much" Harry cryptically said.

"What was too much?" Hermione pressed.

"The pain…knowing that it was my fault!" Harry forcefully said.

"But it wasn't-" Hermione began.

"But it was" Harry said,

"Oh Harry" Hermione said.

"Please…can you all leave? I'm tired" and with that Harry turned way from her, and closed his eyes.

"Come on…let's go" Ron said after a few minutes of silence. He got up and dragged Hermione from the infirmary.

"I'll come back later" Draco awkwardly said, and also left.

-----

For the next two days, Harry barely spoke to anyone. He kept to himself, and only ate small amounts of food. Madame Pomfrey started to add nutrient potions into his pumpkin juice so that he wouldn't starve himself completely off. He was already so thin; he didn't need to become more skin and bones. Harry still kept having nightmares, every night, although he never tried to kill himself again. But one nightmare caused Harry to loose control again.

"_Harry" a soft voice called. Harry looked up and saw his mum there._

"_Mum?" Harry asked._

"_Yes it's me," she said._

"_Mum!" Harry said and tried to give her a hug, but she backed away from him._

"_Because of you I'm dead! I wish I never had you!" she yelled._

"_MUM!" Harry yelled after her retreating form, but then a person blocked his way._

"_Dad?" Harry asked._

"_Yes Harry. I'm your father. The father that _you_ killed!" he yelled and slapped Harry hard across the face._

"_You're a disappointment to the Potter name" and with that, he left after his wife._

"_NO! Mum! Dad!" Harry yelled._

"_Leave them Harry, they don't want you anymore. You would just kill them again," a voice said beside Harry._

"_Sirius!" Harry said._

"_Yes! And I'm dead too because of you!" he said and then was joined by Credric._

"_Harry! My parents lost me because of _you_. The stupid boy-who-lived, but _kills_ everyone else!" Credric yelled in his face._

"_No…I didn't mean to" he said, tears falling downs his face._

"_Just like you didn't mean our deaths?" Alexia, now standing beside Credric, asked._

"_No…"_

"_Admit it! You wanted us dead!" Sam yelled._

"_No…"  
"Yes you did" Zack said._

"_No I didn't…I swear…"_

"_Yes you did!" Johnny yelled._

"_I didn't…please you have to believe me…"  
"Too bad we don't believe you then" Mark said._

"_No…"_

"No…" Harry yelled, and woke up from his nightmare.

"No…" he softly said, tears falling from his face.

"I didn't mean to…" he said, and frantically looked around the infirmary. He needed something. Something…. Harry kept looking around and then saw the flower vase on his beside table. He took out his wand and quietly spoke a silencing charm, and smashed the vase on the floor. He picked up a piece and huddled in the corner of the infirmary, not noticing the figure approaching.

"Potter!" a voice yelled, completely ignored by the young boy.

"Potter!" the voice yelled again, and approached the huddled figure, but was instantly repelled by an invisible force. After getting up, the figure approached the boy again, but not as close as last time.

"Potter!" the voice yelled, seeing as the boy took the piece of glass to his arm.

"Potter!" the voice softly called out, almost in a defeated tone.

"…H-Harry" the same voice softly called, almost a whisper. Yet Harry heard, and relaxed. The figure stood there for a moment, contemplating what to do. Slowly after a few minutes, seeing as Harry was not about to hurt himself, walked over to him. He crouched down and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Harry" he called softly. Harry jerked away from the touch and looked up.

"Professor?" Harry asked confused.

"What are you doing on the floor…Harry?" Professor Snape asked.

"Oh…" Harry replied, looking down at his hand, where the glass piece was still firmly held.

"Come on let's get you onto your bed" Snape said, getting up again.

"No!" Harry said.

"What?" the Professor said confused.

"No! I won't! You don't understand" Harry yelled hysterically.

"Then let me!" Snape said.

"They're all dead…because of…me," Harry said, defeat obvious in his voice.

"Who's dead because of you?" Snape asked, truly confused about what Harry was going on about.

"Everyone…my parents…Credric, Sirius…Alexia, Sam…" Harry couldn't continue, and let out a sob.

"No…no Harry. You didn't kill them" Snape tried to tell him.

"But I did!" Harry forcefully answered.

"No, a madman killed them. Not you" Snape said. "You've never killed anyone Harry. Not your parents, not Sirius, and none of your friends. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's the Dark Lord's fault" Snape said. "He was the one that pointed the wand and said the words…not you. His followers were the ones that killed your friends. Not you!" Snape said, trying to get the boy to understand.

"But-"

"Not buts Harry! It wasn't your fault. No one blames you. It will never be your fault. It's all because of this bloody war! Started by a madman" Snape said.

"I guess" Harry quietly said, but not really believing it.

"No. It's true. Can't you see what the Dark Lord is trying to do?" Snape asked, but when he got a confused look from Harry, continued.

"He's trying to weaken you. Trying to take you down. I mean look, he's too much of a coward, so he tries to get you to end your own life so he doesn't have to. He's trying to get you down! Trying to crush you so he can kill you with ease. So that he has no challenge" Snape said.

"So you're saying he's going to go after all of my friends. Kill all of them?" Harry asked in horror.

"No…he's trying to get you to leave your friends. Without them, you won't have a reason to fight. Without them, you will just give up, or so the Dark Lord hopes. You see…you can't give up Harry…you just can't! You need to keep going, get rid of this monster once and for all!" Snape said. It was quiet for a while, Harry going over what the Professor had said.

"Thanks Professor" Harry said

"Severus"

"Huh?" Harry asked, bewildered.

"My name…it's Severus. You might as well use it if I'm going to start calling you Harry…but only in private" Severus sternly added at the end, but a small smile could be seen.

"Okay…Severus" Harry replied and got up, going over to his bed.

"Remember that you need your friends. That means that they need to know about some of the things you've gone through," Severus said, hinting at the fact that Harry needed to tell Ron and Hermione about his cutting and drinking.

"Yes sir" Harry quietly replied, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

**A/N Please Review!**


	15. Confessions

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 15 – Confessions

Madame Pomfrey walked over to Harry's bed and waved her wand over his body.

"Well in one week you should be able to leave here" she told Harry.

"Yes!" Harry said, happy to be able to finally leave. It was already the beginning of January and he was sick and tired of staying in bed all day.

"But remember to rest, eat, and get enough sleep, otherwise I will keep you here longer" she said sternly.

"I will" Harry replied.

"You better" she said and walked back to her office. Harry was looking out the window when he heard the doors to the infirmary open.

"Harry" a voice called and Harry turned around to see Severus pulling a chair up to his bed.

"Severus" Harry greeted.

"How are you feeling?" Severus asked.

"I'm fine" Harry replied.

"That's good. Remember how we talked about needing to finish the Dark Lord?" Severus asked, and when he saw Harry nod, continued, "Well I thought it would be a good idea to start training you so that you will be ready for him."

"Okay…but who will train me?" Harry asked.

"I could…if you would allow that" Severus said.

"Of course Severus…I-I trust you" Harry softly said, leaving Severus speechless for a few minutes.

"Good…" Severus said, not being able to come up with anything else to say.

"When will we start?" Harry asked.

"Well I was thinking we could start once you get out of here," Severus said.

"Alright. So what will you teach me?" Harry asked.

"I thought that maybe you could come to my office five times a week, in the evening, and I'll teach you something different each night. Right now I've just thought to start with Dueling, Occlumency and Legilimency, Charms, a bit of Transfiguration, and Potions" and at Harry's face, Severus chuckled and said, "Yes I know…Potions. Although you might not be the best…they can be really useful towards enemies."

"So will you give me a schedule then?" Harry asked.

"I will give you one the first time you come, which will be the first day you're out of here," Severus said.

"Great" Harry sarcastically said.

"You better remember" Severus said, and after a few minutes of silence, he got up to leave.

"By the way…have you told your friends about…?" Severus trailed off.

"I will" Harry said.

"Good…now I must be off…I will see you at our first lesson" and with that left the infirmary.

Harry was a bit apprehensive about the training. Although he was eager to learn more, it just made everything more real about him having to defeat Voldemort.

The next day, both Ron and Hermione came to visit him. Harry realized that he still needed to tell his friends about everything, but he didn't know if he could tell them.

"Umm…Ron…Hermione, I have to tell you guys something" Harry said, looking at his hands. Hermione noticed that he was nervous and grabbed his hands. Harry smiled, grateful for her support.

"I know I've told you about…well the drinking…but you guys don't know everything and I thought that you both deserve to know" Harry said.

"What is it Harry?" Hermione asked, worried about her friend.

"Well during the summer…I started to get overwhelmed by emotions…nightmares every night…and I guess I found a way to control all the pain I had been feeling. I…I began cu-cutting" Harry said, barley able to say the words. He thought that maybe he hadn't really said them, but by the gasp from Hermione and Ron, he knew he had.

"Oh no….Harry" Hermione said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Yes…well…then I met some muggles, who I became fast friends with. That is when I started my drinking I guess. They also got me smoking. They would send me stuff every week and I would sneak off at night to drink. I would also sneak back to muggle London, I actually did that twice. That's why I researched glamour spells" Harry said, and saw all the pieces click in Hermione's mind.

"But then Ron found about my drinking and wouldn't talk to me, and my day was just horrible and I had a terrible nightmare that night….and I guess I went a bit too far and Sev- I mean Professor Snape found me. He started to help me, to get me better. But I still snuck out at night, and then Draco came one night, and you know about all that. And then Christmas came, and I was stupid and didn't listen to everyone saying that I shouldn't leave Hogwarts…well I did. And that got all of my friends killed" Harry bitterly said.

"That was why you were in the hospital?" Hermione asked and Harry nodded.

"Yeah…and then I had a nightmare that night and I went…and cut. Draco found me and you know the rest" Harry said.

"Oh Harry!" Hermione said, hugging him.

"Yeah well…I had a bit of an explosion again and Professor Snape found me…and he's decided to train me. To prepare myself so that I will be ready to kill Voldemort once and for all" Harry said.

For a couple of minutes, there was a tense silence, but then they talked about school and classes.

-----

For the next couple of days, Harry didn't see Draco at all. He didn't come once, and Harry started to wonder why. But then the second last day before he was released, he saw a quiet Draco walk up to his bed.

"Draco" Harry greeted, but got not reply. Harry started to wonder what was wrong.

"Draco? What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"I'm getting marked" was the only reply he got. Stunned, Harry didn't know what to say.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm going to become a Death Eater" Draco said, hate evident in his voice.

"No you won't" Harry said. Draco outright laughed.

"Yeah right. How are you…the great Harry Potter going to stop the Dark Lord from doing that?" Draco sarcastically asked.

"I…I'll give you a Portkey. You can use it if you can't get away. Just tell you father you won't take the mark and if he won't leave you, just Portkey out," Harry said.

"Right…I will just tell my father that I won't become a Death Eater and he'll just say okay and then we'll go flying…right" Draco drawled.

"It's better than getting marked" Harry said.

"Let's just forget about it for now…I still have a month" Draco said, and with that changed the subject, talking about Quidditch for the rest of the night.

-----

For the next month, Harry got into a routine. Monday he would work on Occlumency and Legilimency, alternating each week, Tuesday he would work on Charms and Wednesday he would work on Transfiguration. Thursday he would work on Potions and Saturday evening he would work on dueling.

"Concentrate!" Severus shouted.

"I can't" Harry weakly replied.

"You have to" Severus said.

"I can't!" Harry yelled. Severus sighed.

"What's on your mind Harry?" Severus asked.

"Do you think he's okay?" Harry asked.

"Who? Draco?" Severus asked and at Harry's nod continued, "I'm sure he's fine. He has your Portkey, right?"

"Yeah he does. I gave it to him two days ago" Harry said.

"Then there's nothing to worry about" Severus said.

"Right" Harry said.

"Good…now let's get back to work. _Legilimens_"

For the next two days, Harry didn't see Draco at all. He was starting to wonder if he was okay and if he was in the school hiding somewhere or if he was still at home. Deciding to take the chance and see if Draco was really in the school, he took out the Marauder's Map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" Harry said, and then checked the map for Draco's dot. He finally found it and breathed a sigh of relief. He was in an unused classroom in the dungeons. Harry took his cloak and map and left his dorm.

He finally came to the classroom and opened the door. He definitely wasn't prepared to the sight before him. There, in the corner, was a figure lying in a pool of his own blood. The only reason Harry knew that it was Draco was by the platinum blond hair.

**A/N Please Review!**


	16. Love Always Overpowers Over Hatred

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 16 – Love Always Overpowers Over Hatred

"Draco!" Harry called. He ran over to the body and checked for a pulse. He sighed a breath of relief when he found one.

"Draco" Harry called, trying to wake Draco, but it was no use. He pulled out his wand and levitated Draco's body behind him, and made his way up to the infirmary.

"Madame Pomfrey! Help!" Harry called, and the mediwitch came out of her office, wand in hand.

"Oh my! What happened?" she asked when she saw Draco's body levitated behind Harry.

"I don't know. I found him lying unconscious in an unused classroom in the dungeons" Harry said.

"Well set him down here" she said, pointing to a bed. She checked him over for various curses and injuries, while Harry sat beside him.

For the next two hours, the mediwitch was bustling around the infirmary, trying her best to heal Draco. Finally, she left to her office, telling Harry that Draco just needed his rest now, and that he would be fine.

"He was hit by a cutting curse, but not a very strong one. Whoever here attacked young Mr. Malfoy, wanted him to a die a slow and painful death."

The next morning, Harry saw that Draco was still asleep. He called for Dobby and got himself some breakfast. When it was time to go to class, Harry didn't want to leave, but when Madame Pomfrey told him that he could visit again during lunch, he reluctantly left for his morning classes.

When lunch came around, Harry went straight to the infirmary, and when he got there he was happy to see that Draco was awake.

"Draco" Harry called over.

"Harry" Draco weakly replied.

"How are you? What happened?" Harry asked.

"I'm fine…" Draco said.

"But what happened. I hadn't seen you and then when I did, you very lying unconscious in an unused classroom," Harry said.

"I didn't get marked" Draco replied.

"Really? That's good"

"Yeah…well when I told my father I wasn't going to get marked, he just went crazy. He cursed me a bunch of times, and then I finally used my Portkey to get out. But then, I guess he had given orders to some Death Eater children to beat me up…which they obviously did. I was on my way down to see Snape when they attacked me. There were three, but I don't know who they are…I think one of them was at least Nott, but I don't know about the other two" Draco said.

"That's horrible!" Harry said and Draco nodded.

"But at least I didn't get marked" Draco said, looking down at his left arm.

"Yeah" Harry quietly replied, and then Madame Pomfrey came and made Harry leave.

-----

Draco recovered, and then everything went back to normal, although Draco had to continually watch his back to make sure that no one would try to hurt him again. For the next two months, Harry kept up with his training. He worked hard every night, which left him tired beyond belief. He still kept up with his classes, although his marks weren't as good as they could have been. Harry would also train every weekend, and even started to train on Sundays. He would miss every Hogsmeade weekend, but when the last one of the year came up, Harry decided that he wanted to go. So that Saturday morning, Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way to Hogsmeade. They found Draco at Honeydukes and then all four went to the Shrieking Shack. They were almost there when they heard screams coming from the town. They could all feel the temperature drop.

"Dementors" Harry said, and all four took out their wands.

"We have to split up!" Harry commanded, and they did. When they finally got rid of the Dementors, they regrouped.

"What was that?" Ron asked.

"I don't know. But I hope that was all" Harry said, but was soon disappointed when he saw figures in black robes appearing.

"Oh no! Death Eaters!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What are they doing here?" Draco called.

"We have to stay together…Ron you cover Hermione, I'll cover Draco" Harry said, and they moved towards the Death Eaters who were starting to destroy the shops in Hogsmeade.

"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, causing one of the Death Eaters to fall to the ground. They kept battling, but Harry realized that if help wouldn't arrive soon, they were done for; they couldn't fight anymore. Ron and Draco were both injured, and Hermione was slowly losing her energy. Harry was just about to curse one of the Death Eaters, when he saw Aurors and Order members arriving. They were soon gaining the advantage, but that was soon forgotten, when another figure joined the Death Eaters.

"Voldemort" Harry whispered. This caused many of the Aurors to stop, but when hexes were sent their way, they went back to the battle.

Harry slowly approached the figure, ignoring the shouts of complaint.

"Harry Potter!" Voldemort said.

"Tom" Harry replied.

"You dare call me by that _filthy_ name"

"I guess I do" Harry said.

"Crucio!" Voldemort yelled, but Harry dodged the curse.

"You're going to have to try harder than that," Harry taunted.

"Crucio!" Voldemort yelled again, and this time, the curse hit Harry.

"Ha! Now look at you! You're no savior! I'm going to finish you off and then everyone will fear me! And we'll finally be able to rid the wizarding world of these filthy mudbloods and blood traitors" Voldemort said, stopping the curse.

"You think you can beat me! I won't let you! You've already taken enough from me! You've already destroyed enough lives! I won't let you kill more innocent people!" Harry said, and pointed his wand at Voldemort.

"And what will you do? Stun me?" Voldemort taunted.

"No I won't" Harry calmly replied.

"You will see death today. You will never defeat me. I already killed your filthy mudblood of a mother and that blood traitor of a father. Not to mention your blood traitorous godfather. What about those muggle friends of yours? Your just a _filthy blood traitor_…Avada Krevada."

"Avada Krevada!" A green light shot out of Voldemorts wand, but out of Harry's, a bright light was shot out. Both cores connected, almost the same as in the graveyard.

"Ha! You think you can kill me! Never!" Voldemort said.

"I will….and I will tonight!" Harry said.

"You will die just like your _filthy_ family and friends"

"You've taken enough from me, you won't take more! I will have my life back and you won't be part of it anymore" Harry yelled, and then there was a loud bang, and Harry was overcome by darkness.

-----

Harry slowly woke up.

"Harry!" a voice sounded to his left. Harry slowly opened his eyes, and saw that it was Ron.

"Oh… we were so worried" Hermione said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You did it!" Draco said from his right, "You've finally got rid of that bastard, once and for all."

"I did it?" Harry asked.

"Yeah!" Ron said.

"B-but how?"

"We don't really know. One moment, both of your wands are connected, the next there's a big bang and both of you are on the ground. Only, the Dark Lo- Voldemort was dead and you were just passed out" Draco explained.

"How long have I been out?" Harry asked, noticing that everyone around him was looking fine.

"About a month" Hermione said.

"A month!" Harry shouted.

"Yeah…well you used a lot of your magical energy" Hermione said.

"Wow…so he's really gone?" Harry asked again, not able to fully believe that it was finally over.

"Yeah he is" Ron said, grinning.

"So what did you do?" Hermione curiously asked.

"All I remember was saying the killing curse, but instead of thinking of hate, I thought of love. The love of all of the people that have died in this war; that have died for me. He just made me so mad about what he had said about them, that I couldn't help but think of all of their love. To have died protecting me or protecting their loved ones…and well…that's all" Harry said, looking down at his hands.

"Love does always overpower over hatred," a new voice said.

"Severus!" Harry shouted, glad to see the man alive and well.

"Harry…I see you're awake" Severus said.

"Yes sir" Harry replied.

"I just wanted to check and see before I went to work on more potions for Madame Pomfrey…someone has been using up all of her supply" Severus said, making his way to the door.

"Yeah" Harry mumbled, blushing a deep red.

"I guess you finally are free…free of that monster" Draco said.

"Yeah I guess I am" Harry said, and couldn't agree more.

_I finally have my life back!_

_  
**The End**_

**A/N Please Review!**


	17. Epilogue

**Disclaimer** I don't own Harry Potter and anything that's recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling.

EPILOGUE

"We'll play over here," Ron said, and Draco moved over and placed the chess set between the two of them.

If anyone had told Harry that he would be sharing a compartment with Ron, Hermione, and Draco right now, he would have had them committed. But no, that was how it was on the train ride home. Hermione was reading a book, Ron and Draco were playing a chess game, and Harry was just staring out of the window.

"Excited to live together?" Draco interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah…it'll be strange not to have to do chores and to be able to eat whenever I want to" Harry said.

"When I get my hands on those muggles…" Draco threatened.

"Thanks…but not thanks. I'd rather not have you thrown in Azkaban. I don't know if I could survive the summer alone with Severus" Harry said.

"Come on…it wouldn't be that bad" Draco said.

"I don't know" Harry said.

Harry and Draco were going to both live with Severus this summer, since both of Draco's parents were in Azkaban and Harry had not intention of going to the Dursleys now that he didn't have to.

"Well you guys can enjoy your summer with Snape, but I'll be happy in Romania with Charlie" Ron said. The Weasley's were going to go to Romania for most of the summer to spend with Charlie up at the Dragon reserve.

"And what about you Hermione?" Harry asked. He knew that she was going to go away with her family, he just didn't know where.

"Well my parents have decided to go to America for the summer. We apparently have family there, although I've never met them," she said. Her family was going to go visit some relatives in America and then spend the rest of the summer traveling.

For the rest of the train ride, they continued to talk about various things. They were all finally glad that they could be friends in the open now. They didn't have to be afraid to be killed if anyone found out that they were friends. Ron and Hermione had slowly become good friends with Draco, which made Harry very happy.

Harry was finally glad that the year was over. He was hoping to finally be able to put Voldemort behind him and just focus on his future. He was even thinking of maybe visiting the graves of his muggle friends. He never got the chance to go see them before. He was hoping that Severus and Draco would come too. For some reason Harry knew that he would need them there with him.

"Bye guys!" Hermione called over when she went to her parents.

"Bye!" everyone said and waved to her as she left the platform.

"Well I guess I better go too…Dad seems to be a bit giddy to get going" Ron said, pointing out his dad, who looked to be about ready to run a marathon.

"Yeah…bye. And say hi to Charlie for me" Harry said.

"Will do mate. Cya!" Ron said and also joined his sister and dad.

"Guess it's just us now…I wonder were Sev is…" Draco said, looking around the platform.

"I think that's him," Harry said, pointing out a figure in the shadows.

"Yup…looks to be him. Let's go" Draco said, and started moving to the figure.

"Yeah lets" Harry said, and joined Draco.

Harry briefly wondered what next year was going to be like. There was going to be no more Voldemort to worry about. He could be friends with anyone…he could finally live a normal life…well as normal as the boy-who-lived can have.

**A/N Please Review!**

**I'm finally finished with this story. I'm so happy to be done and I hope that all of you liked it. I'm so glad that I can mark this story as 'complete'. Please let me know what you thought of this story. I would really appreciate it. Thank you to all of those that have reviewed. It always made my day :)  
**


End file.
